God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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