If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize