Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
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That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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