I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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