There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize