dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize