When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
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Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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