He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
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