Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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