six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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