I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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