First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize