I didn't shave. On purpose
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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