Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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