Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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