I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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