You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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