Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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