The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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