I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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