You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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