I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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