NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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