their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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