He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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