I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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