I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize