hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize