these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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