Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
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Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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