I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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