She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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