FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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