In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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