Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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