C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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