Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
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I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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