This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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