Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize