thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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