you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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