# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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