But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
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she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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