Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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