The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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