So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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