The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
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i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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