I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Randomize