ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize