So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
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Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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